Divorce and Remarriage

This week we are talking on the subject of divorce. Luckily, my family has never gone through a divorce, but I know that so many people out there do have to experience this. It is important to remember that children are involved in this as well. In another class, we learned different ways to help children adapt in the case of divorce. Here are most of them:

1. Don't make the child choose sides.
2. Make sure that they know they have nothing to do with it, and that they cannot reverse the situation. Children will often feel like it is somehow their fault and try to find ways to fix it.
3. Shield them from conflict. Don't make derogatory statements about the other parent in front of the child.
4. Promote relationships with both parents, specifically through quality, one-on-one time.

Children are greatly affected in a divorce. 

Did you know that 2 years after a divorce, 70 percent of the people regret their decision. In addition, divorces can cost at least $25,000! Marriages can and should be saved. It just takes people who are both willing to work at it. Well that's all for today!

Parenting

Last week we were talking about parenting. I feel like a lot of my classes go together. I guess that is what happens when you are studying classes in your major. Anyway, we watched some amazing parenting videos for our homework assignments. And we were able to take an assessment to see which parenting style we would or do emulate. I got an active parent, which seems to be the equivalent of authoritative parenting. Parenting is a really important opportunity that we have for both our growth and our children's growth. We need to keep in mind that the way we parent our children will have immediate and long-term effects on them.

Fathers

This week we talked about the important roles of a mother and a father. We wrote a paper about the importance of fatherhood and I was able to look back on the impact that my father had in my life. Fathers are a vital part in a child's development.

We also talked a lot about mothers working outside of the home. Fortunately, I have never really had to know what it felt like to not have my mom home as soon as I walked through the door from school. But I do understand that sometimes it has to happen or it has been chosen that it would be best for the family.

I really appreciate the way that I was raised and the way that my parents taught me. I appreciate their love and care for me.

I hope you all have an amazing Saturday!

Communicate!

I was learning about communication in two of my classes. I'm definitely communicated.....Anyway! Communication is key in ANY relationship. We need to remember that we communicate both verbally and non-verbally. It is also important to remember that we each have different ways of communicating and different communication patterns.

Family Crisis

 Throughout life, we will all go through troubles. The Lord is going to judge you in the midst of them. The trials that we experience throughout life shape who we are.  In another talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf he explains that adversity will be inevitable. He encourages the young women to look at their favorite fairy tale. They will almost definitely see a trial before the princess receives her happily ever after. Thinking about this, there are going to be so many trials and tribulations in a marriage. It is important to realize that going into a marriage. I feel like so often we see young women going into marriage with the thought that their lives will suddenly be perfect. This is not the case. Stress that may occur as a newly married couple or just as a couple in general may include the following:

1. Financial stress
2. Loss of a loved one
3. Abuse
4. Relocation
5. Communication
6. Loss of jobs

I remember being about 11 years old, and my father got a new job and we had to move to another city four hours away where I would have no friends. The first year after we moved was the hardest for my family. However, we found that the event that we once found as a crisis, actually strengthened and improved our living and our relationship. Today, I am so grateful for that move. It has shaped me into who I am and I have met so many people who will eternally effect me. When we go through family trials, we need to know that there is a reason for it.

The Importance of Intimacy

I forgot to make a post last week so here it is! Last week was awkward.....Let's be honest. We learn about the importance of sexual intimacy within marriage and the importance of abstinence before marriage. I think that my favorite part about last week was Brother Williams getting tomato red when sharing information about this topic with us :) Some of the statistics involving those who are sexually active before marriage are shocking. The rate of teenage pregnancy is on the rise. It is important to remember the covenants we make between you, your spouse, and the Lord.

Marriage

This week we learned all about marriage. We learned about the difference between getting married and having a wedding. Did you guys know that the average wedding is $27,000? This seems a little bit ridiculous.      Another important thing that we learned is the trials that come throughout marriage. This is so important to remember. I feel like people, especially those at BYU or BYU-Idaho, are unprepared for marriage. They feel that marriage is going to take away their problems or be pure perfection. However, there are so many trials that come as a married couple, especially money difficulties. It is important to remember that your marriage may not be perfect, but it does not mean that things cannot be fixed.

LOVE

Okay so this week, we talked about love. Very fitting for Valentine's week. We talked about the importance of choosing a life partner and the misattribution of arousal. Many times we mistake physical intimacy or attraction for love. Since a marriage cannot be based on this, this is a very bad thing. We also learned some very interesting information about cohabitation. Those who cohabitate and then marry are more likely to divorce. This mat seem strange because many people go into cohabitation with the idea that they are basically "practicing marriage". However, it is not the best way to do this.

We also learned that many may feel they are in love because they feel so comfortable talking to each other and that they can talk for hours. Brother Williams shared that this may be because one person shares so much and they feel like they know each other very well in reality they don't. Strange! Anyway, this was a very interesting and insightful week!

The Issue of Same-Sex Attraction

I was dreading this week. I am taking Family Foundations and Family Relations and they both chose to talk about same-sex attraction and gender identity in the same week. This always been a pressing issue for me. My views have definitely changed throughout the course of my 20-year old life. I was very impressed by the way these topics were presented.

I feel like this issue is so big everywhere and so misunderstood. I am no expert on it, don't get me wrong. However, this week I found some incredibly good insight that I am going to share. First of all, we found that those who had a same sex attraction often found that at a pivotal or traumatic part in their life. It was really unfortunate and upsetting for me to hear that. Many found that as a child, they were bullied. Others found that they didn't feel connected to their father. The research that we were given explains that this same sex attraction usually comes from the nurture side of the nature vs. nurture debate.

Now, when I say this, I am not saying that they are raised to be gay. I am just saying that the research showed the environmental factors played the biggest role in this. Others may feel otherwise. My personal opinion is that people may be born with certain traits or tendencies, but it does not make them gay. It is also very important how they use these tendencies and what they do with them.

It is so important to remember that people who struggle with same sex attraction are not "broken". They are not "weird". They are our brothers and sisters. We need to love them and treat them just as we would anyone else. They are no different. As Ghandi said, "hate the sin. not the sinner".

I know that this is a touchy subject and I really hope not to have offended anyone. Have an amazing weekend!

Diversity

This week in my class we learned about different types of cultures. We each have different backgrounds and that doesn't mean that any of them are right or wrong. It all depends on what we do with the backgrounds that we have. No matter where you live, it is important to raise your children to the Lord and in His gospel.

It was definitely interesting to delve more into the different cultures that I have never really studied and to see their affect on family and social relationships. Often times, we categorize people based on their social class or   what we see them as. However, some of these categories may not be true and all of them should never have been placed to begin with. The culture that we grow up in has an affect on how we live, how we speak, and what we wear. In the end, we are all children of our Heavenly Father and it therefore doesn't matter.

Dynamic Family

Hello again friends!

This week I learned all about the different types of boundaries that a family can put up. I was able to evaluate my own family and create my own Family Map. I also had the experience of reading this interesting piece about genograms. It involved Henry Fonda's genogram. I had no idea who he was, but after a Google excursion, I was able to learn a little bit about him and his life. According to the article, and what I learned from Wikipedia, he was close to a lot of people who committed suicide. The genograms were a little tough to follow, but so interesting! I am so excited to learn more about them!

Another thing that I learned was that when it comes to a family, the whole is better than an individual. I guess that was kind of something I already knew, considering you can't have a family without individual parts. Everyone plays an important part in the family. I am excited to do my own project and see what patterns I can find in my family!

Have a great weekend!

First Real Post!

Hi! This week was the second week of school. In my Family Relations class, we learned about the different trends that are shown throughout topics of marriage and family. Unfortunately, many of the trends seem to be for the worse. The divorce rates are getting higher along with the amount of people living alone. The rate of cohabitation is also increasing along with the rate of premarital sex. Many of these trends seem to correlate with each other.

We were also given the chance to do our own research. We chose our own topics and we chose the websites that we wished to use. I chose to research the effects that a same-sex marriage has on the children involved. Unfortunately, all I received was lots of biased information and skewed results.

At the beginning of this week, we read our text book, Marriage and Family by Robert and Jeanette Lauer. It debunked certain myths on the topics of marriage and family life, such as the myth that marriage is all about love. One important tip that I learned this week is that the more alike you are with your spouse, the better chances there are of having a lasting and satisfying relationship. Perfect!

I will leave you all with this and I hope you have an amazing weekend!

"A happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion."
-Gordon B. Hinckley 

Marriage and Family

Hello! I am creating this blog to give all the amazing insight that I recieve from my Marriage and Family class here at Brigham Young Univeristy - Idaho. Each week I will be posting about the topics that we have discussed in this class. Enjoy!